<back to "Humor" page>

                                                                    What Grandkids Say

                                                                                submitted by David  Lott 

 *1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup,
under the watchful eyes of h er young granddaughter, as she'd
done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started
to leave, the  little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the
toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on
again without  thinking about kissing the toilet paper

  *2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me
Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him,
62. My  grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,
"Did you start at 1?"**

 *3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother 
changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to
wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she
threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting
them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she
heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was

*4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter
what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on
a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our
front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the
woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At
last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"*

*5.. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,
"Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally
polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both
old," he replied.*

*6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her
   grandfather's word processor. She told him she was
writing a    story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know,"
she replied..    "I can't read."*

*7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors
yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something
and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always
correct.. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for
the door,saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to
figure out some of these yourself!"*

*8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation
cabin, we  kept the lights off until we were inside to keep
from attracting pesky insects.. Still, a few fireflies followed us
in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use
Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."**

*9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly
replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa,"
he advised, "mine says I'm 4 to 6."**

*10. A second grader came home from school and said to
her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to
make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little
surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "how
do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just
change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."*

*11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a
publicservant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The
fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad
aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?"
she asked."Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means
carrying a child."*

*12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to
their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in
the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The
children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep
crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for
good luck."  A third child brought the argument to a close."They
use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."*

*13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.
"Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want
her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we
take her back to the airport."*

* 14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches
me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as
smart as him!*

*15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you
hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.*