A Trip to the Doctor

submitted by Tom Spears

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Doctor Jones came into the examination room several minutes after his nurse

had told me that my "119 over 67 blood pressure is excellent." I was there

for my six-month follow-up to the February annual physical. At that time I was

declared an excellent physical specimen, (considering my complaints were

minor and my only medicine is a monthly B-12 shot) except I would probably

feel better if I would lose twenty pounds.

The doctor listened to my heart and my breathing and again declared me in good health,

except I would probably feel better if I would lose twenty pounds.

We talked a couple of minutes about my military career, his hip

replacement, and where I went to college. "I will see you in February for

your annual physical." He said, as he turned to leave the room.

"Doctor," I said, interrupting his departure, "I have a question. Fifteen

years ago, my doctor in New Mexico said that everyone my age should go to a

dermatologist every couple of years and have a full-body inspection to

check for skin cancer. I never did that. Do you think I should?" He lifted

the the front of my tee shirt, said that he saw no contraindication to my

being an excellent physical specimen and he asked, "Have you ever had excessive

exposure to the sun?"

I thought about it and told him that in 1947, when I was 11, my Daddy set

me to plowing full time all summer long, and that I did not have a hat, so I

went bare-headed.

"Well," He said. "That explains the excessive wrinkling around your neck,

your white hair and large spots of pattern balding, your growing inability

to remember names and dates, your waning libido, the pain in your thumb

joints and knees, your slowing gait, your tendency to leave your right turn

signal on, your not being able to hear higher frequencies and understand

people in a crowd, and the trifocals."

I asked, "All that, because I spent a summer bare headed?"

"No," He replied. "All that, because you were 11 in 1947!"