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What Grandkids Say

submitted by David Lott

*1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup,

under the watchful eyes of h er young granddaughter, as she'd

done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started

to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the

toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on

again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper


*2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me

Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him,

62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,

"Did you start at 1?"**

*3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother

changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to

wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more

rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she

threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting

them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she

heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was


*4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter

what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on

a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our

front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the

woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At

last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"*

*5.. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,

"Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally

polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both

old," he replied.*

*6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her

grandfather's word processor. She told him she was

writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know,"

she replied.. "I can't read."*

*7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors

yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something

and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always

correct.. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for

the door,saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to

figure out some of these yourself!"*

*8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation

cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep

from attracting pesky insects.. Still, a few fireflies followed us

in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use

Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."**

*9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly

replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa,"

he advised, "mine says I'm 4 to 6."**

*10. A second grader came home from school and said to

her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to

make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little

surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "how

do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just

change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."*

*11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a

publicservant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The

fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad

aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?"

she asked."Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means

carrying a child."*

*12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to

their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in

the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The

children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep

crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for

good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close."They

use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."*

*13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.

"Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want

her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we

take her back to the airport."*

* 14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches

me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as

smart as him!*

*15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you

hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.*